friend

the sun has been out lately. it's nice. it's easy to get down after a few days of no sun. and it's really not been all that cold. the plumbing problem got fixed, and christmas came and went. family visited from out of town... and siblings gathered round tables and got along as if nothing ever troubled them. it's almost like halloween - the masks we wear. i didn't put up a tree this year. i didn't put up a light. i didn't catch up with friends like you're suppose to... and i didn't wake up to any treasure come morning. it was kind of like every other day. the radio is my car isn't working and it makes for a very long commute. i talk to myself. i talk to God. i text. i got home last night late. had breakfast for dinner with a beautiful view. the sky was clear. the stars were out when i got home. it was cold. it was quiet. no bark. no gentle ring from a collar. the sunday afternoon before christmas, cooper was hit by a man in a pick-up truck. he had made his way across the street, and when i called he came. i never saw the truck. and he never saw cooper. he had no chance. me and the neighbor carried him into his kennel. i turned his heat lamp on... and layed with him until he stopped breathing. how ridiculous to find a grown man laying in a kennel. in mulch. next to a dog. yet there i was. the ground was frozen. it took an hour to dig the hole. with tears frozen to my face, i wrapped him in a warm blanket that for three years has layed across the back of my couch. i put in a biscuit. and a ball. he loved playing ball. i loved playing ball with him. he was a beautiful black labrador retriever. still a pup and sometimes misunderstood, cooper was well behaved for me and knew the difference between his frisbee and his ball. could catch frisbees. i always wanted a dog that could do that. he loved the woods, going for jeep rides... and wrestling with me. i only hope i was as good of an owner as he was a friend to me. i miss him. christmas was like every other day. there were good things that happened. and bad things that happened. the sun rose and fell. the wind blew. oxygen filled my lungs. i felt blessed to be loved. free. saved. just like every other day.